When You're Gone
by XxXAura-AshleyXxX
Summary: Some things happen for a reason. Others have none at all. Some people can handle them, while others can not. What will Reno do when the person he cares about the most suddenly is gone even before he could say goodbye. RATING MAY BE CHANGED LATER
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a thing. My attempt at an emotional fiction thing. So please read and review. Any critics would be great.

I do this everyday. Its habitual. I wake up, get ready for my shit hole I call a job(you know shower, eat, get dressed, etc and not always in that exact order), and to that one thing that makes me look forward to the day; thinking about you. I've done this everyday since the day I met you. You're like a drug to me, you're like an addiction. I can't stop thinking about you , and when I try to, I just think of you more; like an alcoholic wanting his next beer.

Today was like no other. I performed my ritualistic habits of the morning. But today had a slight twist to it. It's something miniscule I know but still, it's something new. On the windowsill of my shit-tastic apartment sat a white bird. Birds in midgar, especially below the plate, were extremely rare if seen at all (depending on the sector you live in). The bird would have had no significance usually, but there was just something about this little bird that caught my attention. Like it was there for a reason; to tell me something. It stared at me ,laying in my bed, with its beady black eyes then, in an instant, it flew away.

After I finished everything I needed to do, I flipped open my cell and dialed your number. No answer. This was unlike you. You always answered me. Even if you were busy with the most important task in the world, you'd drop it in an instant for me. So, out of worry, I called you again. Like last time, no answer. I was getting annoyed. "Answer dammit." I whispered to myself. Like that would help. I didn't have time to worry and figured I'd see you at work. So I sent a text saying "had fun last night" and closed the phone.

My car, despite my shit hole of a home, was amazing. I saved up so much money, and even then, I didn't have enough. You loaned me what remaining money I needed to get it. I still cant believe you did that. It was like, why? Why waste your hard earned gil on me? But I guess I'm just that important to you.

So I got in, started her up, and hit the road. Traffic was heavy this fine morning, and it only frustrated me. I will still worried about you because you hadn't returned my text or even tried to call me back. Sitting in traffic, I took out my phone and called you again. "Answer, answer, answer." I whispered, hoping that maybe, in some way, it would help. I growled as the phone went to voice mail. I threw it on the passengers seat in frustration.

"Come the fuck on!" I yelled. Traffic was at a stand still. Not even moving. I hated this shit. I sighed and tried to calm down. I looked out the window. Nothing but highway as far as the eye could see, and a line of cars too. I frowned. I was going to be late and have to hear Tseng bitch again at me. What a great start to the day.

After what seemed like an eternity, the traffic started to move and I sighed a sigh of relief. Hopefully I wouldn't be late. Its not because of Tseng would bitch at me or Rufus would ride my ass, the only reason I was glad I would not be late was because I could see you. I just needed to see you, to know you were okay.

In about half an hour I arrived at the Shin-ra building( I guess half an hour I don't know). I parked my car as close to the building as I could get. I reached for my phone and tried your number again. No answer. Okay. I pocketed the phone and left my car. Walking towards the building, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I stopped and turned around. It was Cynthia. Cynthia was the secretary of our floor. She was young, only seventeen, and very pretty. She was short, only about four foot seven, and couldn't have weighed more then ninety pounds. We had a one time fling and that's about it. Now a days, we're just friends. She was smiling her usual smile. She was wearing her usual work outfit; a short sleeve white top, short black skirt, and some kind of sandal. Overall she looked stunning.

"Oh someone doesn't look too happy." She grinned and stood in front of me, placing her hands on my shoulders. "Bet I can make you happy." she blushed "In more then one way." Lovely innuendo.

"Oh and how would you do that?"

She giggled and stood next to me. "Well how about you meet out back on break and I'll show you exactly how I'll do that." She smirked. Such a great offer. It really was. But I couldn't accept it. I had someone, and hopefully I'd see him soon. His stupid ass was worrying me. But I had to turn down her offer.

"Sorry I can't." I shook my head "don't get me wrong though, it's a great offer." I smirked and leaned over, lightly nipping her neck. She squealed in pleasure. Oh how I loved that noise. Sort of turned me on. I bit my lip. Made me reconsider my decision. She gave the cutest pout and crossed her arms. "You're no fun Reno." She laughed. "But at least consider it. I can rock your world." She ran on ahead and waved to me. I guess I'd at least consider her offer. I mean why not right?

After arriving on the Turks floor, I quickly walked to your office, or at least I tried to. I was stopped by Elena and Tseng. They had a grim look in their eyes. Elena looked like she was looking past me and Tseng's eyes were fixated on me. Had I done something wrong? What happened? I needed to know. Elena was the first to make noise. She cleared her throat.

"Reno we have some…news." she was fidgeting a bit. I was getting anxious. I was also still worried about you. "There was an…accident." Elena had a look of sadness about her. Something that I never really seen her have. She was usually a very happy woman, never really sad. But I guess there is a first for everything. She slid her hands in her pocket.

"An accident?" I was curious.

"Reno I'm sorry." Tseng placed a hand on my shoulder, giving me a sympathetic gaze. He frowned and proceeded to explain the situation to me. I could not believe what I was hearing. It couldn't be. "You're lying!" I shot at him. I pushed his hand off me and ran to your office, completely in doubt. Nothing could happen to you, ever. I couldn't imagine a world with out you. I got to your office. It was neat as always, so unlike mine. I stood in the doorway, just staring. You weren't here. You were always here. He wasn't lying, was he? I frowned and looked down. Tseng approached and put a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. "It'll be ok." He whispered. "We'll find someone to replace him."


	2. Chapter 2

"_There had been an accident. Rude was driving home from, well, we don't know and that really shouldn't matter. He was struck head on by a drunk driver. His car was totaled and…I'm sorry Reno he didn't make it. He died on impact. At least he felt no pain." _Tseng's words ran through my head like crazy. He's dead. No he's not, Tseng's lying. But he's not at work. Well of course not he's sick. That's it, he's sick. I took out my phone again, despite what the two behind me though, and called his number. Voice mail again. Oh shit. My mind was racing with every possible idea one can imagine. Every possibly idea but the accepting the answer Tseng gave me.

I looked back at Tseng, expecting this all to be a joke; for Tseng to say "I'm just screwing with you Reno. Just fucking with your already fucked up mind" But he didn't say it nor did his facial expression show any signs of a joke. Watching him, I remembered what he said: "We'll find someone to replace him." How could he say that? No one could replace Rude. Even if they tried to, I could never accept them. No one, and I mean no one, can replace Rude.

"How could you say that?" I turned around, just looking at him in disbelief. Rude was Tseng's friend, his colligue, and he was acting like he could be easily replaced, like a new dog. It wasn't possible to replace Rude ever, even in a million years. Tseng's logic was flawed. "What the fucks wrong with you?" I balled my hands into a fist. Elena could clearly see I was pissed and she smiled her normal smile.

"It'll be okay Reno. I promise. Just think, he didn't suffer right?" Like that comment was going to help anything. It actually made me more upset. Oh Elena, yeah you're right, he didn't suffer. That doesn't fucking matter. The only thing that matters is that he's not here! I closed my eyes and shoved past them. I stopped and looked at them.

"I'm just going home okay? I'm not working today. Fire me. I don't give to flying fucks." Then I proceeded to walk to the elevator and leave the floor. They tried to stop me. They protested. But I ignored it. They weren't going to stop me. To be honest, at this point, I didn't care if I lost my job. I didn't care if they hated me. If he was gone, if he was dead, I didn't even want to fucking exist let alone continue this crappy job. I walked to the elevator, ignoring the clear whispers about me, to a point. I spoke up, though, when Elena make a comment about me being over emotional.

"I'm over emotional?" I walked to her and Tseng. "I'm not over fucking emotional." I stated in a low growl. She shook her head, seeming to try to pity me. I glared. "How would you react if Tseng died? You know, him, the guy you have yet to reveal your love for. Your stupid ass would be bawling their fucking eyes out while eating a gallon of ice cream and watching some stupid chick flick like Titanic thinking to yourself: 'please come back Tseng. My pathetic life if even more worthless and pathetic without you.' You, my dear, are a hypocritical bitch who needs to shut that hole she calls a damn mouth." Elena had the most shocked and pissed off look ever on her face. What did she expect though? I then turned about face and walked to the elevator, this time clearly ignoring them( even though I could hear Tseng questioning Elena about what I said.) I pressed the down button and got in.

I drove home, deep in thought. So many thoughts raced through my head that I couldn't keep track of them all. I stopped at a red light and took out my phone. I thought I'd look on net to see if any such accident actually happened( usually fatal accidents are major and reported on the news and internet. I googled the term "fatal wreck sector four". But before I could look the light turned green and I had to go again. I tossed the phone on the seat and figured whatever results were there would still be there when I got home. The drive home, though, wasn't pleasant either. I don't think much of anything would be pleasant when you find out your best friend and lover is most likely dead.

When I got home, I parked and grabbed my phone. I looked at the results of what I googled and found a story posted, actually, a couple hours ago. "Bingo." I whispered to myself. I checked the story out. I had to read it a second time I was in complete and utter shock. I read it out loud to myself. "At around three thirty on the morning of July sixth, a fatal crash occurred on south avenue. Witnesses say the black SUV was driving the wrong way and collided head on with the white two door sedan. The driver of the black SUV survived and blew a .161 on the breathalyzer. The driver of the white sedan, however didn't survive." It was true. I rested my head against the head rest of the seat, looking at the ceiling. I closed my eyes for a second, taking in a deep breath, trying to relax myself.

He was just here. He was just here with me. I knew he should have stayed the night. I begged him. But no he refused with some stupid excuse. "Oh I have work in the morning I can't stay because I'm to fucking stubborn or whatever!" I started saying to myself, knowing it didn't make sense. I quickly opened my eyes and slammed my fist on the wheel. "Fucking dumbass!" I yelled as loud as I possibly could. I knew deep down it wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault another person got drunk and drove the wrong way down the highway. His death was far from his fault. He was just in a wrong place at the wrong time.

I got out of my car and slammed the door. I silenced my phone( I had received a few calls and I just didn't want to be bothered with people.) I walked up the stair and unlocked the door to my apartment, went in, and, like the car, slammed the door.

I walked to the kitchen and directly to the fridge. I grabbed the nice big bottle of vodka from the freezer and made a beeline to the couch and just dropped myself on it. I grabbed the remote off the table and flipped on the tv and put on some stupid cartoon channel (yes I like cartoons still) and got to drinking. Today was going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3

Let me tell you something. You never know what you have until it's gone. I know it sounds cliché, but it's true. If you don't cherish and appreciate that which is special, when it's gone, you'll feel an empty void where it used to be. Don't misunderstand me, though, I did appreciate and cherish what I had. I just didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

I'm not sure how long I had been sitting in this same spot, drinking this same bottle of vodka, and wallowing in my, now formed, depression. As the alcohol began to set in, I started to blame myself for this tragedy. I didn't express myself enough. If I were to have been more demanding, maybe, he would have stayed and he'd still be alive. But no, I gave up after the first few times he said no. Man I felt like a pussy. I took another gulp, from the bottle of course. It didn't even burn going down anymore. Personally I liked the burn, so this was disappointing.

I guess I had turned the channel to a music channel without even knowing. Guess I must be that drunk. I laughed as I heard some stupid Rihanna song being played. God I hated that bitch. I picked up the remote and was about to turn the channel, when another one of her songs began to play (I just guessed it was a marathon of her music.) There was something about this song that hit me. I had heard it before, quite a few times to be exact, so I knew it a little. Maybe it was because I was drunk or maybe because of what happened, but for whatever reason I felt something. I whispered some of the lyrics. "We fell in love in a hopeless place." I shook my head. Stupid song. I quickly turned the channel to something more enjoyable. I threw the remote across the couch and let out a loud groan.

"Oh my god." I ran my hand across my face. I reached for my bottle and realized it was empty. I cursed to myself, and forced myself up to get a new one. Now let me tell you, that was a challenge. I hit my leg on the table in front of me, and yelped. "Fucking hell!" I kicked at it, missing, and following on my ass. I grunted as I hit the ground. It hurt. I tried to get up again, only to fail and fall on my ass again. "Dammit!" I don't know what overcame me, but tears began to form in my eyes. I never cried. Never. I looked down at the floor as little wet circles formed on it. I placed my hand on my cheek, sort of to see if I actually was crying, and indeed I was. My cheeks were wet, and a few tears began to run down my hand. I wiped them away, and managed to pull myself up.

My kitchen was far from impressive. Some basic crap. I, uh, don't have a lot of money even on my "amazing" Shin-ra salary. But what little money I had left (after bills and shit) I did use on myself. The only nice things I could say I owned are my TV, gaming system, and my car. Everything else, trash, rubbish, etcetera. I grabbed another bottle (I kept my freezer stocked because, well, I liked my liquor), and stumbled back to the couch. I knew I wouldn't finish it. Probably kill me if I did, though part me of doubted this. I've survived many, many things that would kill a normal person not infused with mako.

As I began drinking this second bottle, time went by quickly. I wasn't sure what time it was when I got it and I was definitely unaware of what time it was now. All I know is the channel I was watching must have cycled through so many different shows, I lost count. But even though I was completely smashed, I could still think put together somewhat coherent thoughts. But they were of you and only you. A knock on the door knocked me out of my thoughts however. I groaned, not wanting to get up or even deal with whoever it was that was there. I tried to ignore it, but they knocked again. "I-I'm not h-here!" I yelled, severely slurring my words. They knocked again. "Oh my god!" I yelled and got up, stumbling to the door. They better have a damn good reason for this I swear.

I opened the door, and Tseng was standing there. He was dressed in some casual outfit; jeans, a tee shit and some kind of shoe. So not used to seeing him dressed casually. He had his arms crossed looking quite worried. "Can I come in?" he asked. "Everyone was worried because you aren't answering your phone." If I didn't let him in, he probably wouldn't leave or he might even just force his way in. I don't doubt this. "Only for a little while I promise." He continued. His voice was surprisingly soothing for some reason. I sighed and moved out of the way, so he could enter.

He glanced around the apartment, sort of like he had never been here before, but he had been. He had a look of displeasment on his face when his gaze fell to my couch and the alcohol bottles on it. He shook his head and sat on a chair by the kitchen table. He gestured for me to join him. I shrugged, closed the door and sat next to him. He placed his elbows on the table, and rested his chin on his hands, watching me.

"I have stopped being surprised by you years ago." He stated matter-of-factly. I leaned back in my chair, arm draped over the back, and decided to listen. "But you can't just do what you're doing. You're doing exactly as I figure you would be. Reno," he leaned forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. "You can't keep doing this. You'll kill yourself. You'll die Reno. Is that what you want?" I thought about his question for a bit. Is that what I want? In all actuality yes, yes it is what I want because if I were dead, we'd be together for eternity. You wouldn't leave me again. I would be happy.

I looked Tseng square in the eye and, without any hesitance, replied softly: "Yes Tseng I want to die." Tseng was quite taken aback by this.

" You're joking right?" Tseng asked, completely in shock that I would say such a thing. I guess I'd be in shock if someone said that too. He just pinched the bridge of his nose then gave me on of the most serious looks I'd seen him give me. "You think dying is going to solve everything? Maybe it's that alcohol or the complete lack of any sort of intelligence, but whatever it is I don't want to hear that come out of your mouth again. Remember Reno," he crossed his arms "I can easily have you hospitalized. You don't want to go there do you?" He still starred at me, eyes filled with concern. I shook my head. Of course I didn't want to be locked up in a psyche ward. I'm not crazy just…depressed.

Then there was silence. A long silence. Why had he suddenly stopped talking? Well, to be fair, I didn't mind it. Then, a noise. It was loud. "Shit." Tseng cursed to himself, and took out his phone and answered it. "What is it?" he asked, whoever it was on the line. All that could be heard, on my end at least, were 'uh-huh's' and 'yup'. Then something different: 'I'll be here a while.' I sighed loudly. Guess he wasn't leaving anytime soon.

"Like hell you will be." I muttered loud enough for him to hear me. He shot me a look.

"But yeah, I'll call you later when this is all over" then he hung up and turned his attention back to me. "I'm not leaving until I feel you aren't a harm to yourself and seeing as you've half finished that second bottle, I'll be here a while." He leaned back in the chair, attempting to get comfortable.

I laughed, not really believing this. "See we have a problem. It's small don't get me wrong." I stood "I don't want you here and since this is my place, I can tell you to leave. So Tseng" I paused for a second "shoo." Must have found that funny, because I just randomly busted into laughed. I attempted to walked to my room, so I could go to bed. But I had the hardest time walking. I have no idea what made me fall(if anything made me fall at all), but I fell and landed on my face. That wasn't pleasant. Moving onto my knees, I tried to collect myself. But in my current state, it was kind of hard.

"This is why I'm staying Reno." He walked to me, then helped me up. I rolled my eyes.

"Pretentious dick. You can't tell me what to do." I just spurted out, obviously knowing that it didn't make any sense. Tseng raised an eyebrow. "That made no sense and do you even know what pretentious means Reno?" I shook my head.

We just stood there for a little while staring at each other. He was a dick, just coming over unannounced and taking it upon himself to not leave. How rude was that? But a part of me knew he was doing it because he cared. We had worked together for so long, we had become a sort of family and all he was doing was looking after his family. He did have a paternal aura about him, caring but tough; strict.

"Let's sit down and talk some more. There's something I want to ask you." He walked over to the couch sitting, and watching me(I guess to make sure I don't fall again.) I gave up trying to get him to leave. I didn't have the energy to keep arguing with him. I manage to make it to him without killing myself luckily and took a seat. "Tell me about the last night." I cocked my head, confused. Why did he want to know about that and how did he know you were over last night? Was he following you? Stalking you? That sick freak I swear.

"Two questions first." I reached for the remote, turning off the TV that was accidently left on this whole time. "How did you know he was here and why do you want to know? So unlike you."

"I'll tell you just answer me first okay?" I nodded.

"Okay then I guess. I'll tell you" I took a deep breath and began.


End file.
